Home Alone

So babe is out of town for work and I'm left with my own devices for the next couple of weeks to which I am expected to fend for myself. So far my diet consists of takeouts and porridge since babe was the one who often cooked and inspired my appetite.

I still get to talk to him on Watsapp video calls every day and if am not careful the whole night will be spent talking to him leaving little time to view random videos on Youtube.

Despite this the pit is calling me, you know? that big black pit of depression? Yes that one! on somedays I can do backflips over it but other days I barely make it past. Despite this, I keep my head above the choppy waters and remind myself I still have a purpose in this world and what I'm going through is not the real me but most likely a hormonal imbalance.

I'll be honest, you can't tell from looking at me, I purposely forces a calm and cheerful demeanor while I feel anything but. It’s a battle, not everyone gets it but some do, this is for those out there who do, keep your head above the waters, there always something better out there waiting.

EAST AFRICAN FAMILY: STRAINED FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

So I received a call from my father last night. It came completely as a surprise to me, my fiancé and of course close family member and friend. As usual there was an underlining compulsion with his call, I immediately noted the pattern and cross checked with past behavioral experiences and profiling. It was concluded my Father's family was pressurizing him to push me to attend my estranged sister's wedding, and not as I would like to think wishfully that he genuinely gave a care but rather for the whole family to save face among the extended members.

The thing to note is African families be it  North, South, East and West have issues that are left to fester beyond help. There’s a collective behavioral pattern to ignore the symptom and even the illness in the hopes that it will just go away. This is seen in many households where problems and conflicts are advised to be swept under the rug and regardless of the extent of conflict the members are forced and encouraged to gloss over and proceed as a happy dynamic family to save face from the rest of society.

The needle in this tranquil state is the new millennialism growth of individualism and one's awareness of self. More people in Africa are becoming individualist as in the extended family is slowly diminishing with the change in economy, culture, way of thinking and exposure to the rest of the world. The era of the elder is always right and even when wrong never to be corrected is fast disappearing as independence rears its stubborn head from the new generational offspring.

I question all, I seek the truth then I make my assumptions and solutions. I am one of many individuals who seek to reject dangerous old ways that stunts the growth of an individual and group. I refuse to be forced in anything not of my choosing and speak with the truth of my observation because this is my preferred shield of choice. The old ways must come to pass though not all are damaging but majority have gone past their expiry date/era (It may have been a conge- able solution at its time but not in this technological self-awareness age).

And therefor to conclude, I stand my ground even though I go against the river.

#thelonelyafrican #independence #amixedracejourney #thetruth #standingmyground #african #africanhouseholds #beinganafrican #dysfunctionalfamily